Dear Ruslan

Jauka & Jauks

Sveiki. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. I still can’t believe you’re gone. It just doesn’t feel true.

Over these past couple of weeks, so many people have felt the grief of losing you, and still do. You would pop up in my facebook newsfeed, and for a moment I would be fooled into thinking that you changed your status, posted on someone’s wall or commented on a photo. Then I would remember that I don’t think they have facebook where you are. I’d forget.

You’ve passed on and are worlds beyond us.

I didn’t realize what hit me when I heard the news, three weeks ago on this day, early in the morning. Over the years since I left Costa Rica, we hadn’t kept in touch all that much, save for our one visit back for spring break, spontaneous Skype calls and quick Facebook chat sessions just to say hello. But the heaviness and the sadness that followed your death, even from the distance at which I stand, hurt me It hurt us- everyone who ever knew you, met you and spent time with you.

You were, and are, so loved. Along with that, you are also respected, honored and dearly missed my so many. Of you, I only have the sweetest of memories. Even those that did not know you well spoke of the light you shared and felt your loss in deep, deep ways. I hope you’ve heard all the beautiful things people have said about you. Did you have any idea what an impact you had on the people you met?

Saying goodye at the San Jose airport after graduation in 2008.

I feel you are alive. Somewhere.

I won’t forget you.

<3 Tanushka

 

P.S. Early last year you wrote me and told me you were writing a book about your life. I wonder where those drafts are?